kiss my forehead and say iloveyou: March 2006

funny

well. i was trying to kill myself with thousand of skipping and hundred of sit-ups and bench press and push-ups, i started weeping after the hundred of sit ups and i dont know why. but i think its funny. and unfortunately i m still alive. funny eh?

i know u are about to ask "funny meh?" oo-well, i m just trying to tell a joke then. please laugh for the sake of not funny arkae. =D it does help unwind the moment of anguish surmounting in me.

nothing in particular. exams are round the corner, No, its just right beside me. and errmm, hassles are trying to kill me. and ermm, tears somewhat are my angels at nite. but after all, i guess it made me stronger and firm in doing what i want, and love myself. i didnt try to hurt myself. but i love myself so muchie. oh god, thank you. muacks. love life. *wink. and tht.. i like him. =) and i reallie reallie do.

well dear sister, i know u must be having fun out ther now, i just want u to know, i love u 2. muacks. see ya back at home arkae. muacks. thanks for hanging out with me and give me ur best comfort. i love u. arkae. but nex time remember o help me put the folded clothes into my wardrobe arkae. thanks. muacks.

lets we forget it..

why am i even crying
when he dont even know a damn thing
about all these..

why has things become un-simplicated

why has things become so agonising after all these while?
why did those tears come to me when u didnt even know it
i asked to be forgotten and forgo
and i wish u were more then willing to let me go
is all this i have given
was meant to be all that i deserved
stop telling me
tht u like me
but am afraid to take the first step
stop telling me u like me
and then
"i stil have feelings for her"
stop telling me
to make decisions for you
when you
dont even know what you want
if i could teach you
i will tell you
not to think about me
not to think about a farking shit about me
it probably make me feel better
to know how shallow everything was
you were never caught between 2 girls
you are always in her
not me..
do you know
its never me
stop telling me
"u're the only person tht can make me happy"
and then
"i cant forget about her"
if i am just all about substitution
i DONT WANT TO BE ONE
i'm not jealous
i am plunge deep upset
because
i DONT WANT TO BE ONE
I DONT WANT TO BE A FARKENING SUBSTITUITION
i just want to be a friend
I didnt ask u for alot
I didnt blame you
when u couldnt make up your mind
I didnt hate you
for all the tears i cried at night
"i m sorrie, if u feel i m using u"
you shouldnt have question tht
Cause u know very well
i denied all these times
just to make u happy
were you so blind tht u couldnt see it
or u were too selfish to even see it
all i ask
in hope you would be happy
in hope our friendship keeps us alive
if you know u're hurting me tht much
u wouldnt care
i know u would only back off
i'm the winner
because..
i'm stronger than you thot i was
thanks

why has things become un-simplicated

why has things become so agonising after all these while?
why did those tears come to me when u didnt even know it
i asked to be forgotten and forgo
and i wish u were more then willing to let me go
is all this i have given
was meant to be all that i deserved
stop telling me
tht u like me
but am afraid to take the first step
stop telling me u like me
and then
"i stil have feelings for her"
stop telling me
to make decisions for you
when you
dont even know what you want
if i could teach you
i will tell you
not to think about me
not to think about a farking shit about me
it probably make me feel better
to know how shallow everything was
you were never caught between 2 girls
you are always in her
not me..
do you know
its never me
stop telling me
"u're the only person tht can make me happy"
and then
"i cant forget about her"
if i am just all about substitution
i DONT WANT TO BE ONE
i'm not jealous
i am plunge deep upset
because
i DONT WANT TO BE ONE
I DONT WANT TO BE A FARKENING SUBSTITUITION
i just want to be a friend
I didnt ask u for alot
I didnt blame you
when u couldnt make up your mind
I didnt hate you
for all the tears i cried at night
"i m sorrie, if u feel i m using u"
you shouldnt have question tht
Cause u know very well
i denied all these times
just to make u happy
were you so blind tht u couldnt see it
or u were too selfish to even see it
all i ask
in hope you would be happy
in hope our friendship keeps us alive
if you know u're hurting me tht much
u wouldnt care
i know u would only back off
i'm the winner
because..
i'm stronger than you thot i was
thanks

have a kit kat

finally after assessment. though i nitta retake IV. arhhaha. created some jokes in the assessment and therefore i nitta retake. but nvm. i passed IM at least.

aights. life's been good. everyday feels like a new day. though some things, unspoken, were alrd spoken and heard. however, some feelings, are to be forego and forgotten. the life i am having, sounds kinda ambiguous. yet, with these ambiguities.. i still love life alot. although, its complicated, but i just thot it was rather simple. future to me, is still far. i m stil young in terms of r/s and stuffs. well.. i just gotta.. love it as it is. i can only encourage myself to move on, like i always did, i never stop ever since the day i decided to be single.

I often woke up, soaking in the bath of warming sunlight, awaken with weary of th heavy-lided eyes. and each morning, i smile upon the sun "today's bright light feels like hes around me"
prolly i should feel glad tht we were not meant to be together, or rather, not together..
many a time the morning trip to school always advoacte me with lotsa ruminations. on the familiar road for a yr or 2, it has never been lonely. sometimes, tears crept outta my eyes, the thot of him looking into my eyes gently, my heart start throbbing fast. when u like somebody, and give ur heart away the minute when your heart no longer hold ur pride. it feels like i am drifting.. slowly, as it take its toll on me.. No matter how much u like tht person, he will probably never know, they may stir like tornadoes, but he may just be as calm as the sea..
( so isaid guys r dumb.. no offence. *LOL*)

i realli love loacker, yummy~! cheer me up when i plunge deep. arghs. money pls drop from the sky ya? keke.

been writing diary alot, instead of blogging. lotsa lotsa innermost thots. well, steal my diary if u dare. MUHAHAHAHA. i had a dramatic life, i would say, things change like everyday, tides high and low at all times. i dont even know what is what sometimes. i think what i need most is a longggg longgg sleep.. i need to rehydrate with life and energy! i lost them! keke. slowly i m getting them back.. okkies. i still gotta do research. gosh. (-_-'")

You'll always be my baby boy.. Argh! i miss my baby nephew!!

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I pricked my fingerfor blood testing in sch.. i m an O+. hehe

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My bestie sweeetheart princess elene monkey darling.. ( okae, now den i realise she's got such a long title..)

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My sis and i, at carrefour

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For my sister, who may be worried for my unspoken words, and the tears tht roll in my eyes

i felt like a dumb ass. Dumb of my acts, dumb of my dumbness. been doing things to irritate T unintentionally, hoping T will get irritated with this whole dumb thing. i will cry, and forget about it. its just as well as waiting for time to kill memories. Just been wanting to cry on your shoulders, but fearing to cry. I will never let T know i am crying. not my pride, but knowing T gets guilty easily. Dont want T to know. dont want T to feel guilty. I m just happy enough to see T smile. When T's sad, i am even sad-der. I just want T to be happy. and of course, keeping up the image of being a happiest soul. i thank god for helping me, by telling me that things probably wouldnt work out and tht i was never meant for T. T can get someone better off than me. with what T have, T can. i am jus not good enough for T. i am up to no where. i am happy just being like tht, my dear jie. i want to grow old with him. seeing him getting a good gf, fulfilling all T dreams, attending T marriage ceremony, i will always be T best friend. i cannot guarantee T happiness, but i gave friends my words for friendship. people may find me dumb. i dont need them to tel me. i just need u to assure me, tht i will be fine. thanks for showering me with ur care and concern. i love u, my dear jie. i hope things are getting fine for you. cheers. love you.

save myself from the fall

let go of ur hands
probably
i will be happy
probably
i will find a new life
i wont be withstanding these hurts

its enough
will the rain please stop pouring
will the heartache please go away
will you not turn on the lights?

my passions are following
what u wrote on ur script
as more and more parties enter
who am i to you
if i am not tht girl for you
will you stop all my life
waiting for the moments

you should be more conscious than me
that how
dedicated
gentle
devoted
are you
it doesnt fulfill loving me wholeheartedly

if only u can
just look at me
just think of me
just embrace me
and i should just be that one and only

for you
more hurt
less pain
the tears tht stormed
were equally not worth it

there's zillion beings
but only me
only me to save myself
from the dumps
i mean my happiness

=)

i am just saving myself
you never see the tears
behind my smiles
you never hear the sobs
behind my laughs
never.
and i mean never.
when will you even turn
and look at me
each time u were far infront?
when will i ever walk away
each time u were stucked behind?
when have i become so undivided
for you?
at my toughest time
i wish u were there
just to catch my tears
a drop, or two.
but not even once.
your smile makes my
whole world perfect
but your existence makes
my whole life haywire

i am just trying to save myself
okkie.
stop this spouting.
i dont know what i am talking alrd.
nevermind.
tomorrow i will still be happy.

i'm beginning.

i m beginning to miss my straight hair. *sighs. its okie. i will wait for it to grow longer. and then straighten it. omigawd.

i have a blood clot on my right eye. and it looks gross. i dont like it. essssshhie.

okies. this is my one week hols. but it feeels like SO DAMN FAST. grrhs. came back from the chalet ytd. and twas reallie fun. i would say? went for nite hunting at labrador park. and even went to Lim CHu kang cemetery. WOOHOO~. Zul was driving. well not onli her, those unlicensed ppl.. *AHEM*, oso drove! shitt. it was an adventurous journey! haha! i would say its thrilling. but i woudlt suggest any more tryings.. cos once caught.. its gonna be brainfarked serious!

hmmm.. okies. muacks!

hmmm.. i thot they look like begging .. HHE.