kiss my forehead and say iloveyou: April 2006

Sunday, April 30, 2006

yiwen and me and soup spoon, nice great soup they have.

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yiwen and me, we are at soup Spoon @raffles place. great nice soup!

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Friday, April 28, 2006

Routine

woohooo. finally this busy week has passed. Video was O-Kae. haha. well, i was veri much satisfied with what i did. kinda ook i would say. aha.

Skip 2oo, sit up 50, dippers 15, weighty 20, skip 400, sit up 50, weighty 15, skip 400, sit up ... the routine goes on and on. well it jolly well let me lose the 5kgs. slowly. tomorrow can i jog? i hopeit doesnt rain.

MS sandra will be replaced by MS KAMALA, and yes, did you hear tht "WHAT! KILL ME PLEASE" echoed behind her name? OH my GOD. i really thot i had a tough week this week, who know this coming week brings moree, i mean MORE, MORE! to life? NO WAY! to Hell, YES! i did injection, and twas' successful. aha. i passed all my subjects. but the thing is, i think i REalli nidda' work extra harder.

aights. nxt week we have dance examination. i reallie hope XiaoKe lao shi can pass me! gosh. ytd it was realli freaky to dance in 5 and infront of everyone else. Oh my god. luckily it was nt too bad. wel, i guess the key is focus on yourself, and DANCE tht confidence! woohooo*. well, i kinda love tht freestyle i m doing. ahaa. hmm. yay. i realie do.

okie. i admit, I SO MISSED SCHOOL! I miss everyblardyyyy~ butt-then, i think i wanna lose tht extra pounds before school starts, and reallie reallie look great when school reopens. hmmm hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. haaha.

i gotta go and bathe then.i feel like clubbing again. dance and have fun. ahah~.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

i've been a good teacher.

I've been a good teacher. i changed a person. and he didnt know how to thank me. he said he owe me too much. i was elated. because, he finally grew up. :)

when i thot, i was upset. come to think about it, there many lines i didnt read from him. and when he clear things up, i was very much satisfied with all the hidden lines. i feel consoled, when he told me he didnt want tht to happen when i initiated, and he learnt lotsa things. i was just as glad. reallie. lotsa feeelings, all clear up, i no longer feel so wretched.

i admit a small part of me, still wanted everything to come back, but, a big part of me, is slowly moving on. i m waiting, for a better future. i dont know how long, but everything, is moving, slowly. if i was given a chance to turn back time, i would not change this part of my life. all the sweet stuffs i did, when i move on, it will become memories he will be thinking of. his friends said, sometimes, 2 person can only be friends and not more than tht. and probably, he want us to stay like this. yes, we will. i wanted to alter this thot, but, maybe, in the long run, if i leave it un-altered, it benefits me.. besides tht, they chose her over me. well.. :)

i learnt alot too. rain told me, he used to have a mly bf too. they reallie love each other, only to realise in the end, he gave up on her, becos, he was influenced by his friend's opinion of her, religion, and family.

if u like someone from another culture, if u r not ready, pls do not agree on it. empty promises, hurts. pls do not say u're ready for the challenges, when u r not. and pls, dont say you do not have courage at the end of it. pls do not say, u cant get over somebody else's instead of focusing on her. pls, do no say "thanks" when she say "i love u", even if u dont know what to say, just a hug, wil melt her. dont say u r afraid of the future, if u did, u shuldnt have started it at all. pls remember to give her ur assurance, to be there and hug her when she cry, to tell her she meant something to you. remember to tel her, u r fine, u r just tired therefore u didnt wanna talk. do something sweet for her, sing her a song, face-to-face, heart-to-heart, its enuff to melt her. most of all, dont keep her waiting, because one day, she wil just be gone. remember.. to give her ur heart, like the way, she did.. :)

i was just as glad, to teach someone things in life, to appreciate everything in life. the smile in me, brings a lil bit of tears. they didnt contradict, i m feeling happy, and sad at the same time. but, i will be fine. though he might not know all these i have learnt.. i wil tel him one day. :)

life is coming back. :) when u reallie like sombody, you reallie dont have to be with tht person. now tht he learnt so much, i hope, a good girl, wil benefit it. i m not up to the good stuffs hes now having, so, i m just gonna walk on. i know my friend now, will be a good man. at least in my years of memories, i was once his teacher. thanks.

Friday, April 21, 2006

LAST FRIDAE.

CANT imagine its my LASt friday, my last friday to attachment. OH MY GOD. i went for class yesterday, only to realise tht, i m so kinda lost because i hardly can catch up, and nex weeek is VIDEOING, plus NEx NEX weeek is EXAMINATION. and can you how hear my "OH MY GOD" goes like.

OK. i am on my PLUS side now. spinning? reduced. so i sent a surprise to people's doorstep yesterday, a big surprise and he said he would camp at my door to top up my surprise visit. HAHA.

earlier on, i was saying i so hate myself for not taking care when i was so much younger. yes. i still do. i didnt understand why was i so fat then. if only i figure out tht society now only accept the hot propaganda girls featured in top-selling magzines such as FHM, i would have starve myself for tht whole year just to achieve it. i WOULD HAVE, seriously.

i spent 3/4 of my hols, thinking over this, again and again. people only see the superficial part of us, therefore they tend to be taken by the way we look in their first impression. But what if, you dont even look good in the first place, why talk about first impression. Well, i also dream to be abit more flattering and propangandized just like those of the magazines. Long hair, big eyes, ear-to-ear-smile, with tht sexy 36-24-34 stats, who dont want. i want. i had myself crazy, they talk about self-esteeem, and they echo "it doesnt matter how skinny or fat r u, but as long as u have this self-esteem thingy, everything look just as perfect." i dont get it. then why, some people who have it, they complained and wanted more. i SO WANNA KILL myself.

OH god. NONONO. i wasnt suicidal over this okie, cool. i was just, pondering most of the time. been asking i this a crucial criteria of life. i confess, to me, YES. Friends think i'm obsessed. OF course, try hitting 80kg at 153cm when u are 13 yrs old. and now, layers of cellulite, hidden flabs, underlying stretched marks. signs of triumph? i seriously dont see this as my triumphant. they are a part of me tht i cant change. Nobody understand how this look, when it comes to this. Nobody understand the kind of obsession i had. all they say is, "you have done enuff, why stil so obsessed" and trust me, when they say this, I SO FEEL WANNA KILL MYSELF. Its not about losing how much, its about reaching tht goal u want. its about, looking good, feeling good, and living good. its about a girl. *SIGHS. its taking its toll on me. its not a obsession. its about getting rid of tht feelings tht has been there since young.

okie. i guess i just need to come up with new exercise rountine and healthy diet. taaa-daaa. is it when you are younger like now, your looks overtake everything? if the answerr is yes, probably, i so understand why am i feeling all this now. i DIDnt ask fo perfect, all i ask for was to reach tht goal. i didnt say i wanna be tht skinny skele walking on the street, neither long hair or whatsoever. all i want was to lose tht unsightly part of me tht i DIDNT want. i know, they ask me to try harder, try harder. its all they say. if i didnt, then what would i be doing now? aaaaaaaaaaiiyyyyyaaaaaaa. enuff of these whining. WHolllyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~

yupp. gonna club tonite. aiyaaa. bye peepz.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

spinning

my head's spinning all these while. i mean REAL spinning. giddy. it always happen, and i just cant figure out. last year was during exam period. tht was my low blood pressure times. earlier was in secondary school times. its sickening. i can hardly do anything. i cant think of anything.
i just feel like i m spinning and spinning, its nauseating.. feel like puking. i dont know is my head heavy or light. i dont know anything. i dont know.

i m beginning to feel sick, about you. all, about you. do you think when you apologise, all this pain will be gone? why do you still wanna bring it up, when i am almost done with it? if you re trying to tell me, tht you never did, once love me, thanks. i heard you. why do you wanna tell me tht you are sorry? do you know,the more you apologise, the more hurt you made me feel? Do you know,the more you apologise, the more you made me hate you.

i m done with it. yes i m. from tonite, i will be a new person. i will live without your shadows. i will be a happy person. i promise. :) i will smile, and mean it. i will love myself, and the world tht i am living just like the way before everything. i am forgetting everything. i am not going to remember. :) tomorrow, i will wake up, with the sun beaming bright orangee, everything will be just fine. yes. :)

cya, new day new tomorrow, new me. ;)

Monday, April 17, 2006

spinning round

spinning round. tues is coming. oh dear. time flies. it reallis does. i m left with a few more days to attachment. and i seriously didnt want tht okie. OH MY FUGGIN' GOODNESS.

i feel lonely. these days. kinda bored at home, i supposed. maybe its because i have tooo much time to spend alone tht i dont know what to do at home. well. yes i do.

been looking at the mirror. i m beginning to hate every part of me. blaming myself again, why didnt i take good care of myself. why did i grew so fugging FAT? why didnt i work out? so ugly i grew. i realli hated this.

aights. i think i was just too bored tht all this thot are lik mushrooms in my head. haha. just kip popping. haha. i think .. i wanna get a new pet. someone who can accompany me thru these days. i m toooooo bored. just too bored.

my world has not collapsed. its just tht, its kinda airy and empty in there. and i m getting sick of it. i m afraid i would just stay quiet and be gone. i want the old me. WHERE THE FUGGING HELL AM I?

Sunday, April 16, 2006

rotting, not my priority

i have been rotting this 2 days. i have spiked fever at 38.6. ahah. i m still alive then. dont worrie. well.

i was just wondering(i got too much time), things tht u like in the past, sometimes now or in the near future we have a changed perception of it right. it could be a person. u thot she/he was reallie good. and there when they turn their back at you, u felt like, "fuk, why has she changed so lot" i couldnt seemingly recognise her. used to think she was a perfect girl, now i feel like i was blinded. its pretty scary how they turn their back so fast.

sometimes, i do hate girls. they shuld b kind at heart, all the times. its scary when, you know, they try to prove how good they are at getting back at each other. i'm not naive. but it startled me a lil', at how ppl change over time. its funny. life isnt about getting back each other right. i believe in karma. it does take place. and i know tht, ppl wil onli start treasuring, only when they lost it. i learnt it even b4 i lost anything. lose me. i m just doing fine. doing fine without him.

just as i was crying on the way there, in my shades. i couldnt stop those tears from flowing. i was listening to inner-voices' Baby girl and Shi Wenbin's Waitingforyou *sighs. well. i wouldnt say i had stopped thinking about him. but one thing for sure is, it has lessen. :)

i knew things were better off like tht. and i know i dont want to be a substituition, neither be a piece of monkey shitty evidence for two losers to fight against each other and see who is stronger at getting back at each other. the truth hurts. like sudden grasp at ur heart, and u cant breathe. i can get a life. moving on by myself would be best. its hard, you know, putting an effort, and in the end u heard him said " i have got no courage" yes yes. i m peetty, i am angry when he said tht. but what can i do. what can i say. what can i put into words tht could heal myself? his words, " i know i haf no future with her. but i like her. so what i if do not have any future with her" , it echoes in my ears. apparently, i didnt want it to happen, but it just swirl around in my head. i kept swallowing saliva. controlling. if i m able to blame him, i would. i realli would.

although it lasted like.. 16 days.. but it felt longer than tht. b4 tht, i felt like a gf when i was just a fren. after tht, i felt like a fren more than a gf. muahaha. the feelings was so paradoxical, if u know what i mean. life is simpler, now. i m smiling. serious.

its not difficult right. i do hate boys. i seriously do. BUT, I m not a lesbian. theres a difference okie. neither wil i turn crooked ~~again~~.

right now, the best thing to do is, sleep at home everyday. i think i wanna go clubbing. how abt tht? hmms. yay. i think i shuld. haha. bye ppl. maucks.

they say we were nvr meant to be
sometimes, i think it does make sense to me, too
i wish they were wrong
but it didnt came the way i wanted it
we started things
just like the way we ended things
late as it came
and fast as it end
i didnt pick up
whn u call'd thrice tht morning
i chose not to change my mind
i love you
just as much as the tears i cried
you thot i hated you
yes i do
i reallie do
i hate you for not having the courage
i just have to kick tht habit
i set out on this journey
i sat alone
i put on my shades
i start the tears
flowing along as the
bus drove on the highroads
when yosaid i was right
when you said you cant decide
when you said you were afraid
i forgive you, the moment
i hear you cry
you said you lost
a girl friend
a friend
and a best friend
all at one time
you dont know how much i lost
a piece of mind i lost
overtime we build it up
but where do i find those mising pieces
the shadows of you
haunts me everyday
everywhere
i wish i can tell you
i like you, i reeallie do.
the memories of your smile
the gentle look from your eyes
i remember it all.
all i can say now
is a big thank you.
thank you.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

mysong.

yup, this is a song i wrote. in mandarin. tht was all tht has happened to me while i didnt blog it online. hmmm. i haven had it completed, though. keke. hmm, everythings been good. =) and i m happy. i supposed. hmm, i eatwell, sleep well and had fun in genting too. pictures later aights. kekee. i so miss u ppl. and mybiggest greatest comfort in life is i noe, whereever and whenever i m away, i have friends waiting for me here with warmest welcome. i reallie love this feelings. thanks princess-es. thanks darling elene. =) thanks ppl. =)
just do the right click thingie and unicode english. aights. =)

看着　窗外渐渐飘下的细雨
听见回忆里　自己想说的不止那么而已
你说你　无法爱我　因你提不起勇气
我该说什么
说什么　让自己过得去

走在　大街上陌生的人群里
寻找　　你的身影　你的笑容
属于我的甜蜜
失去的无法忘记　心疼的不能呼吸
我该做什么
做什么　让眼泪离异

(x)夜里睡不着　看不见　却听到　心在跳
感应着信号
徘徊梦里　在怀里　却看见　泪在掉进
寂寞在微笑
我会包着心　放下你　忘记你　
然后我　慢慢离去
你知道我还爱着你

过去　那暧昧让人喘得透不过气
让我闭上眼睛　慢慢熟悉
没有你的天明
脑海里　是过去伤害　还留下的残余
别问为什么
为什么　爱他又不留下

(x)

Saturday, April 08, 2006

My Smiley and ME. haha. hes got such a big ear-to-ear smile. haha! XD

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Ken says: i so love this.. Oh gosh. i hope it gets longer *hurhur* XD

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Oh yay~ Mass GAY-ing. heheh. i m so loving it.

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She's blushingg. hahah! we heard her groan.. WooohooO~O~O! ~~

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

Aights.

yay. last paper to go. hmmm. so much i need to say, but in simple, I M SOPHISTICATED. haha. aights. i guess i m perfectly fine with it, because i'll find my way out. girls, i love u ppl. muacks. and i m going to genting nex mon to fri. so i shall see u guy back again, aights. =) 0-well, i love my life.

ORITE! our FEAST! girl's day at my place, haha. our pizzaaaaa feast with my sis! kekeke! so mydarlings, azi and susu~~~~ when r u 2 coming again??~!

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My beloved, muacks muacks. hehe. azira and me, we are studying. Oh. yes. we were. *winks.

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Monday, April 03, 2006

pre-exam anxietyyy

arkae.

i sang "when i neeeeeddddd euuuuuuu.. i jussstt cloooooorrseeee my eyyees and i'm wifff euuuuuu.." and i cant believe i could wake up tht lilwhiteflufffylazy hammie of my sis. what a sight. *lol and i realise the road outside was exceptionally quiet. *ehh?

well, i dont reallie know what i am doing at this hour with ppl turning in or some burning midnite oil studying. o-well~ i m gonna do tht. but i just wannna unwind, right here, this moment. haha.

i would very much supposed it was MEET-UP day. and i indeed, seen many ppl. first, met my sis's 2 friends, Hazel (shes got sweet smile) and XP (shes crappppyy, and i thot she look like somebody). and after "fragile", i Saw the CUTIEEEE Howard (frm "eye for a guy2")!! o-well, hes out with FIONA xie, whom i supposedly liked, they dont seem like they r dating, if they are, its not weird. but one thing, one thing, tht pisssed off me, was, fiona xie, shes REALLIE PROUD *pouts! she is so arrogant, NOT elegant. oh-yay, pardon me, its realli hmmm.. you know, horrifying, not reallie, ehh, arhh, just not so comfy about the way she behaves, it doesnt look like the way she appears to be on TV. tht sucks. i used to think she was soo adorable. well, Tv are just in fact, PROPANGANDA. oh-mann~

thts not all. after tht, i saw 2 girls frm my dance class. but weird, they didnt recognise me. hahaha. and then i saw JUNWEI, my pri school friend. OH GOD. he remembers me, and he actuallie calls me "Liqing" OK OK OK! thts KINDA a TERROOR okie. you dont know ARKAE! NOBODY, and i mean, NOBODY, eversince sec school hascall me my name in Mandarin, i WAS shocked! hahha. well, he's got a lil crappybrain haha, reallie dosnt look like the way he was in pri school. yay yay, i know, primary school u would say. apart from tht, all of us are growing up, just like i las saw him with specs and nerdy looks and he knew me as big fat girl. gosh. THOSE WERE REALLIE THE TIMES. we both agreed tht times flies. and he said in a flash of light i wil b getting married. Oh god. is tht some kind of prophecy? no kidding arkae.

aights. i finally bought the cropped cardigan from giordano, i think its a new season one. luckily! oh yay! hahah! i've been searching HIGH and LOW. now its in my wardrobe. nothing fantastic, but its superb when u reallie reallie wanted it so much! hahaha! i need new eyeliner, hmm, a cami, ZA nite whitening powder. or should i just get tht oil blotting powder? yay? hmm. oh yay, and probably an EYEcream. haha. tonnes of stuffs when it comes to shopping. and basically, i just losta hundred bucks, AT HOME. its not about the money i've lost. but the trust. o-well. *sighs.

aights. i guess, i will head back to study eh..? hmm, tmr i nitta go to a gp. haha. cos my mommy think i have HFMD. haahaha. aights. i will go then. muacks, everybody. love life!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

喜欢一个人　或许　
不需要在一起
也还是会感到开心
我每天　都带着
他最喜爱的那个　微笑
害怕　哪一天使
身份　被取代　
微笑　也有会被遗忘
如果　近距离　
还是感到很多遥远
如果　明天的我
无法像今日如此灿烂的微笑
如果　一切的一切　
压的我透不过气
我是否该就此放弃
我想要陪你到老
看着你　和你心爱的人
看着你　实现所有的梦想
看着你　和你的她　踏上红地毯
一直到老　我都不会离开你
这是我给你的承诺　
他们说
世界上　最遥远的距离
不是　
我在你身边
而不知道我爱你
而是　
明明知道　彼此相爱
却不能勇敢的去　面对
眼泪　有如空气盘旋的尘埃
看不见　也听不到
有时不小心
被花儿　收藏起来了
嗅到了　好香哦　
但　也好呛鼻
有哪天　
你若是　嗅到了那朵花儿
你是否会想起我
微笑的气息
爱笑的眼睛
不变的身影
你如果打起喷嚏
不要惊讶
至少知道

我还在想你

从来都没停止过
没有

真的。

kiss my forehead and say iloveyou

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Friday, April 28, 2006

Routine

Sunday, April 23, 2006

i've been a good teacher.

Friday, April 21, 2006

LAST FRIDAE.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

spinning

Monday, April 17, 2006

spinning round

Sunday, April 16, 2006

rotting, not my priority

Saturday, April 15, 2006

mysong.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Aights.

Monday, April 03, 2006

pre-exam anxietyyy

Sunday, April 02, 2006

lets wee hear

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