whiny
i have dreams of becoming prettier. and these dreams are getting bolder, wilder and crazier. well, more faith came along. Hmm~, sounds like some kinda good things are gonna happen. yay, a least i believe. life is all about believing or not, right? so i supposed, god give me more listenings this time round? yes yes. i m going to lose many many kgs, i m gonna work them out, kill the fats, andandand lookgoodfeelgoodheavenlygood. for the sake of myself, and the well-being of human's eyes. kinda sucky aint it? but its a dream and its coming thru' ( if i i plough it and reallie work hard) i nitta work reallie hard then. gosshhie. *faintsi think this is the first thing on my mind. my square face, flat cheena nose, fat thighs, flabby arms, bulgingtummy, uneven skintone, arkae. what else can i whine about? shiatt me. hHAa. looks like these complaints will come unending, and getting on my nerves each time. Syg's right, i can look better. *sighs. mommy, i neeed mooolahhhhh. AIA reallie sucked my blood for taking 250 frm me this month. SHIT. yesyes. i didnt like the idea of me being fat. wel, i just gotta work it off, u said it. OK. Faith and determination!! i need ya!! goshhie. hmm. i thnk i spent time whining alot. orite! SYG, saya cinta awak juga! muacks muacks.
my week!
i love this old adv., i snapped this from GAs haus. so cool! 
this is my new checkered pants, hehe! woohoo~ Great SG sales. yayness~
this is BABY! hahahah! not my dog, just baby-sit her for a day only. Heard tht she's been sent to SPCA. hmmm.. i kinda like her, though she was reallie fierce to me.
0OOoOooooO~Oo~~ bubble Heaven~000OOooOo00oO~~ from ikea. nice right, i know u like it, dont be sulky~!
this is a serious piece of moneky shit! aha! snapped it near the stairway of a recording studio while my friends had thier recording done. haha!haha. okie these pictures are just randomly posted. alritey, ex wifey ah lian went back to PAhang lia0. haiya. mis her man. well, been watching gig, fri nite was cerenade, i love one of their songs, its reallie nice. yayness. and they kept shouting "potong pasir! CHIAM SEE TONG! Potong pasir! CHIAM SEE TONG!" haha. the vocalist likes the name. hahah! so kinda lame. but twas reallie fun cos thei songs are realli nice! we went to LAu pasat for satay, haha. nice. keke. and Zul sat by me and he goes like.. " i can see u 2 are doing good. and i jus gotta know ytd abt u 2." "and den.."".... eh no lah. i m just trying to start a conversation" *laughs. "haha!"when Syg came back i just smiled, Sir and him asked what were we toking about. tiffy "covered" us with satay qualities. HAHA! everything goes so funny tht nite. the teh susu just sucks, it taste like chinese tea. haha!we went to Gas Haus on sat for their gig. aha. enjoyed. :) and of course my all time favourite is MYWRITES's , i just cant get enuff of dhaniah's voice even in the studio recording. OMIGAWD. yay, the lyrics is simple, and the song is just so sweet and upbeating. jazz indie, nice! and also , . i cant wait for 17thjune for their performance at ARTS house agaiN! i cant wait! haha! i just kept on yakking, non-stop of this song, its playing in my head, its there~Love in the 60s
The days with you are flying byAnd I'm so glad that we're togetherI never used to be like thisAnd every day was just anotherThe day we met I never thoughtthat I would ever have your numberI wrote it in my diaryI have it in my headOoo wah ooo...Ooo wah ooo...You always try to do theThings that make me happyI always try to do theThings that make you happyThe sun is shining for usAnd it makes you happyThe stars are shining for usAnd it makes me happyThese words now come so easilySince the day I said 'I love you'I baked for you a cake last weekI hope it's not too sweetDaddy says I should be carefulAnd I know I'm safe when I am with youHe speaks of you "that nice young man"Now the 60's gone, our children are all grand© 2005 - 2006 My Writesi just so love this song. haha. its so sweet. laa laalalaaalaa~~~~~~~~~~. haha. syg said i got hooked, yay. in fact! haha! the music is so light. llalalala. yaddayaddayadda. oh ya, its tht 2 weeks break i yearn to have! OH HOHHO! yay, we have lotsa hot gossips, hmm, top 3 in the list are A, N, L. HAHA. names shall not be disclosed, i do. nt want to be charged with defamation. hahah. anyway, this posting was great. i enjoyed, basically. but i DIDNT QUITE LIKE THE FACT THT I WAS CALLED a SEC SCHOOL GIRL by a monkey tht humiliate me 4 times whatsoever. i wasnt reallie mad though. i think its time i stand up and dress up appropriately for my age. hahaokkie. i m hafing a runnynose. goshhie. anyway, i had SirTiffyDhanZulSyg @ my place last nite. ahaha. we watched 'wet dreams' and they had macdonald's call in. before tht we were at the recording studio. haha. Tiffy and sir had a tiff and so we got some reconciliation to do, but twas funny. cos sir didnt noe how to hoax, and Syg was teaching him, while tiffy asked what they conversed in mly, kinda like racial harmony day, thts what shaun says, hahha. so cool. the whole nite. *laughs. both Syg and i were hafing runnynose, and it just doesnt stop. my sore throat kills me. Syg had his nose stuffed with tissues, chuckles. and stupidly, i knocked my head 3 times last nite and before tht they were saying, "banging on the wall for an hour burns 150 calories" and they ask if i had wanted to burn those cals lidat. hahah. Syg had a headache. HAHA.
i learnt something today
oh i was surfing friendster, and this particular profile caught my eyes. and i guess, it was kinda .. touching, but true. how many time in life, would a guy exactly understand how much a girl may mean to him. if only things are more simpler, i wouldnt be having a big headache now. okkie, here's what it says: If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reasons she couldn't stay, don't cry too much... Just be glad that your paths crossed and; somehow she made you happy even for a while. Time will tell. If she's yours she will surely come back.Don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you. Don't drive it away from you because if you do, someday you'll think again why you let love fly away when it was once residing next to you. Treasure the one who loves you! It's not easy to find a person who loves you. It's always more valuable to have a sincere heart. The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. If you think something will make you. happy, GO FOR IT. Remember that we pass this way only once. Time doesn't wait. If you think you might have found the right one, treasure the person, don't let that person get away. Don't let fear hold You back. Give it a try.well, i was reflecting, i almost did throw my back, and turn back tht old path because i of tht incident. we were back to norm, and i thot i shuld reallie just be happy for this friendship. when he came back for me, i was in a dilemma, i admit fear was holding me back, for fear of the trust, the pain tht lingered, the tears i cried. though this extract was referring to a guy. i guess, a girl can feel like this, too. the only thing i promise myself is, to be happy, and be glad, embrace the moments tht we are gonna share, and be it the future lies in destiny's hand, i will jollywell be glad to accept whatever may come along our life. i mean, its not tough at all, the toughest life, has alrd passed yrs ago. : ) so i would say a big thanks, to this person whom i dont even know, to teach me this. i maybe just so crossed at myself. but then, i ought to learn more things about myself. everyone is afraid of being hurt, or so, brokenhearted. to bring up the courage, and love again, may sound difficult, u just have to try, and forget about those hurt tht lingers. : ) yupp. my daily dosage. i think i sound like aunty agony sometimes. OMIGAWD. i learnt alot this posting, seen and experience alot too. well, i m not able to reveal out. confidentiality. : ) but i wil treasure it. : ) thanks life.
today
Esther dear, at esplanade. keke.
shes growing up, so pretty, and sweet. oh goshiie. my sweet 17 had passed. keke. i had a fun day on tht thurs nite. keke. i went out to pay dance fees, and then headed to esplanade to chill, alone. my parents took turn to cal me up, my mom said "Its WEIRD to walk alone at this HOUR" ahaha. well, i stayed at esplanade and watch esther dear dance. and then buddy called me up a few times, so i decided i should meet him up and go fishing with his friends. haha. a bad thing was i didnt know how to ride a bike, haha, and his friend firdaus have to DOMPANG me. so poor thing, i m not skinny, i can hear him panting, it made me sooOo guilty. ahah! yas's fren, jason, asked, " u chn rite.." DERR. i dont look like one, is tht what he was trying to tel me? and he actuallie said other than the skin color, i look like a malay. can u hear how my lower jaw cracked and left my upper jaw? later on they nut a joke saying he may look gay, but he is straight. and buddy said "go". well, " but i les leh, how" hahaha. ths time i saw jason's jaw dropped. ahaha. a few commotions to share. we met yas's frens from tp, all were fishing. none talked to me. i was the only girl, till buddy slept, there came this boy who asked me something. i replied in mandarin and he goes on yakking, "HUH U CHINESE ARH?~" " yay, fei hua (rubbish, as in of course)""HUH! U Reallie CHINESE ARH?!"" wei, i dont look like one meh?"
" wait wait, too dark i cant see!!!" and he took out his hp and shone light on me. he goes like "HUH! U REALLIE CHINESE EH! HEY! ( he shine light into his fren in the tent), SHE CHINESE LEH!"haha. well, i dont know was it a compliment or not, but it just set me laughing my ass off. haha. i wanted to watch sunrise, buddy promise to accomplish this mission. ahaha. he did, and put a smile across my face. haha. love his big arms, to sleep on. and his firm warm abs, to lie on. : ) never been to changi village before, kekeke. looks like its not too bad. and i m loving biking. poor buddy, has to coax me to learn cycling, i know he would spank me again if he could. aaha! =P oh yay. i m CONFUSED. so what is what?! i have people from all walks on (my)life who tels me, i looked like cambodian, vietnamese, china girl, Malay, MAid. and today, my pt said i look like japanese. oh god. what more to come? pls dont tel me i look like an indian. okkie. ahaha. he said i kept on smiling, well, so i have to frown? haha. i figure out tht, i prefer squatting when poo-ing. *ahem. confessions. well, i guess tht position feels more comfortable. ahhhaaa. oriteyy. oh yay. recently i was surfing friendster, and read people's profile. i realise, i dont reallie know how to exactly write a profile. ahaa. but some things tht i read, reallie pound a load on my head. hahha! i guess i can never be so confident as to say i am you know.. people see me they immediately like me. i choked when i saw tht okkie. WALAO. sometimes, i do ponder. girls. what authority or privileges they have. pretty= winning? or pretty+bitchy+slim=winner? i dont know is it guys who are blind these days, or is it me, who is grey today. keke. well. i used to think i understand very clearly what love means to me. right now, friendster come up with this idea where people can easily put "it's complicated" as their status. so when would they come up with somthing like "IT'S BLOODY complicated", or "i'm simple, my bf/gf is complicated". or worst, "in a relationship, but i love scandals" you know you know. hahah~. i was just kidding. anyway, haha. i was asked, what is my ambition. i said i dont reallie know. hmm. i felt i was kinda young to decide. i couldnt be telling him, my amibition is to slim downto 48kg with and a pretty face. ahaha. its not an ambition right. i havent kinda decide, what i reallie wanted in this life i m in. i m a student nurse. and, i love to smile, and i love to hear patients like the way i smile, despite if there are people who thinks i am crazy. i dont know if after the 3 years bond, i would stil b an inspiring nurse. i just hope along the way i realli would love this job. yay. i dont have much courage, or faith, to continue sometimes, so i just pray everynite, hoping i wil be granted tht amount of faith and courage, to lead a life full of my triumph, and be glad this life, there was once a me liiving.i reallie didnt know a nut about the definition i would give about love. it has become sophisticated along the way. i am.. hmmm. well, if its like picking a stalk o rose and start plucking its petals, i would pluck the garden of roses and not even be able to understand. i m puzzled, but theres truly no answers to indefinite questions like this. if i have a formula iwould put it as such
u broke my heart + ur empty promise= u sure will have karma especially things tht u like, u wil not get it. like if u dont like pimples, u will get it. kind evil. but i swear its happening! i think so.. so u better watch out next time u curse someone. : ) oriitey! gdnite folks. good day!
the thumping ache on the foott
i feel a thumping-ache on both my feets. it feels like its been engorging. ahaha. so far been in a new ward, kinda fresh thoguh many things to remember alrd. i am enjoying posting over there. seriously. :) oh yay, i've been to my senior's (nurain) chalet, she was celebrating her 21st. and gosh, see, time flies, it reallie flies. i knew her when i was in sec 1. i so love her till now. and tht day when i saw her, she couldnt believe it was me, i so miss her and alan! the food was nice! and we gossiped a lil'. her classmates thot i was alan's Gf. and they were talking pretty loud about it, ahha, so i just smile, aha! so silly. probably its been some time, seeing my 2 seniors brings me lotsa fond memories in secondary school, the IPW times with nurainand alan, i so love them. the both of them. we always hang out after IPW at my place, aha. there and then, so many things changed, and all of us have grew up thru' the hardest time. alan's in army, nurain grad from NYP. in a few years time, i wonder, how would life be for us? *smile. well, and both of them complimented tht i look slimmer, healthier, and prettier, so much more better. ahah. *smile.well, life's been so far so good. hmm, living in ambiguity, *sighs. :) i guess, there's more to life. i love euu ppl. :) alrite. see you guys again.
Undefined
No words can describe, how ugly i felt i am right at this moment of my life.
its labour day, and my hols
its labour day! wooohooo~! ahaha~! its my hols! labour-free day? i m glad i m still a student nurse. i cant imagine when i officially wear tht green uniform and hushpuppies black shoes, OMIGAWD. i HAVE NO HOLs even when its HOLs! FARK! i was talking to irahmanje, and lionel. tht iwant to adopt a cute boyfriend, should i get it from ebay or yahooauction? hahahah! well, sound kinda crazy. *grins. but in fact, i didnt want a bf, anymore.oh yay. i have been doing sit ups, but it has no effects or strains, when i did yes but after tht, no pain, it doesnt feel the shiok-ness eh. i need new rountine. i wanna play baketball. yesyes! i believe the best way to be happy i to go out, interact with ppl, hang out with ur friends, do all sorts of silly things, and be happy. over the weekends, i learnt some new thots. when u thought u were the person brokenhearted in this world, in another corner, there wil just b this person, brokenhearted, for you. i was browing thru my diary, and i realise there was this entry i wrote:was it true tht he nv did like meor was it me who trespass into his closed world and unintentionallyopened one of the windowsand unintentionallylost my hearteverything tht led me onwasnt tht sweet as i thoughtprickedhurtit didnt sound important anymorei didnt see when would i laugh like beforeneither understand the distance between usi only see the emptyness often keeps me accompaniedi overheard he was my boyfriendand also overheard the one in his windowwasnt methe wind has been hereand she brought lil' angelsthey are singingso happilywhen will it be my turn?i come up with this thinking tht The furthest distance wasnt about 2 person sitting together, but they didnt know their kinda chemistry towards each other. the furthest distance, was when, two hearts are linked, but they deny the courage to face it. the heartache stil linger. so badly. LOL. i dont know other than laughing, what else i could do to make myself feel better. :) sometimes, i didnt sleep a wink, swallowing saliva, and i felt like i was walking thru' the memory lane. itss all good memories after all. :)what is a family? i love my mom. and i reallie reaalie do. each time i look upon her face, and saw the ageing lines on her face, it just break my heart. mom, i love u. when u cried last nite, i didnt know what i could do, but all i did, was to embrace you, and tears kept rolling down my cheeks. i know you had a hard time bringing us up. when you thought life was better off now, but there is this person, who breaks ur heart so much. i know even when u say u dont care abt him anymore, i can hear ur heart is breaking, for this man you loved and treasure, to this man you thought you know but his heart is no longer here. mom. i realie love you. yet in this world we are living, i wish i could tell you, i never want any man to enter my life anymore. if i could stop ur tears from flowing, i would do anything for you. it breaks my heart to see this man whom i respected, became so unfamiliar, i dont seem to know him. mom, i know when u said, u wish he could go back and wont come back anymore. i know u didnt mean it. i know u care alot. i hate him, for being selfish, arrogant and un-concerned. i know u were afraid tht it wil haf an impact on me, mom, i dont mind, i realli dont, as long as, i m staying with you. as long as my days are with you, everything to me will just be fine. i brought to dinner at ichiban last nite. i am happy, to just see you smile, and the way we drank the lime juice and sulk at the taste. :) i would bring you to dine, when i gt my pay every month. it wouldnt matter how much i spent on you. :) i love you. For the most wonderful mom i have in my life, thank you. i love you, mom. :)
